Stand Still, Look Pretty
by lauraface91
Summary: E&B are planning their wedding when they get an unexpected visit from the Volturi. Edward makes the ultimate sacrifice, but something goes terribly wrong. How will Bella, and the rest of the Cullens for that matter, recover?Prev.titled "The Aftermath" AU
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Thanks to PTB. Those girls are amazing. (:**  
**Next chapter will be longer. Promise. **

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Edward was gone.

Forever.

A week before our wedding, the Volturi stopped by. Jane and Caius were alone and when they saw that I had not changed, they were furious. They were prepared for this, but they were still incensed. Aro had a proposition – I was to be changed that very instant or else be taken back to Volterra. This, of course, enraged the Cullens and they tried to negotiate, doing everything they could. Finally, Edward stepped up, agreeing to go in my place. They quickly acquiesced - they knew that this would force Aro to forgive them for not accomplishing what they were sent to Forks for. He had wanted Edward to join their ranks for decades. Carlisle and Esme went ballistic and the Volturi ran. I think they were scared of the wrath of Edward's parents; I know I was, and I wasn't even on the receiving end.

Three days later, we received a letter. Edward had been killed. He had tried to escape and had unknowingly walked out into the sunlight in front of a crowd of people. The Volturi had no choice - they took action.

So, on August 13, instead of hosting a wedding, the Cullens hosted a funeral. It was closed casket, of course. There was a big turn out. Charlie came, naturally, and so did our friends from school - Angela and Ben and Mike and Jessica. Sam and Billy even came to pay their respects. I never did see Jacob. It was probably better that I didn't. I took it hard enough as it was. Carlisle had allowed me to have total control over the funeral and I requested that it not be some elaborate event. Edward wouldn't want everyone crying over him – especially not me. I could just hear him – he'd tell me he's not worth it and that I shouldn't waste my time mourning over someone who was burning in hell. He'd tell me to be happy and move on. And if being happy meant being with Jacob, well then he was more than fine with that.

I could just see him – he was probably in heaven right now, watching me and shouting at me, angry and frustrated. Angry, because I was doing the exact opposite of what he wanted. Frustrated, because all of his shouting was in vain. I bet he was pissing off God. If anyone could, it'd be Edward. I wanted to laugh at the thought. I probably would, if I wasn't so damn depressed.

I couldn't even cry. I've cried three times since the incident: when they took him away, when we got the letter, and after his funeral. This hurt so much worse than when he left me last fall. At least then, there was a tiny sliver of hope. Now there was none. Edward was gone and there wasn't a damn thing any of us could do about it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

"We've decided to leave Forks."

My stomach dropped at the bluntness of his statement.

"You're…you're leaving?" I choked out.

"Bella, it's been a month and it's obvious to us all that our being here is not helping you. We wish we could stay – we really, really do. But we can't bear to see you wasting away like this. You have college, a whole life ahead of you." Carlisle's words were cutting deep into my heart. I didn't want the Cullens to leave. They were my last tie to Edward. And I knew that the moment I said goodbye to them, I'd never see them again.

"And this decision is unanimous?" There was no emotion in my tone. When you go through pain like I've experienced, you quickly realize that it's just easier to shut down and become numb.

"I'm so sorry Bella. We know how much you loved Edward-"

"Love, Carlisle. How much I love Edward." I interrupted, refusing to meet his gaze.

"Exactly my point. We're afraid that you'll never move on and you'll only have me to blame."

"This isn't your fault. Those evil, sadistic bastards-" I ground out viciously. I was so angry at the Volturi, at all that they had put us through. Aro was supposed to be Carlisle's _friend_. How could he just _murder_ his friend's son? How heartless could a person be?

"I should have tried to reason with Aro. We didn't fight hard enough. I'm sure that if I had gone to Italy and talked to Aro myself, none of this would have happened." Carlisle sounded miserable. It didn't occur to me until then just how hard this was on Carlisle. He loved Edward like a son and I could tell from his tone that he blamed himself for Edward's death; to a certain extent, at least.

"When Jane wants something, Carlisle, she'll do anything to get it. You should know that. She was out for blood. Well, she got what she wanted." I spat bitterly.

"I'm so very sorry Bella." He murmured remorsefully.

I didn't say anything.

"We're leaving tomorrow night, if you want to say goodbye."

I decided not to. Instead, I wrote notes to every one of the Cullens. I knew it would be too painful to say goodbye and I didn't want the Cullens to harbor any more guilt.

I wrote to Alice, explaining how she was the best friend I ever had. I apologized for always complaining about the makeovers and the parties and the wedding. I told her how I wished she was staying; how I couldn't do this without my _sister_. I wrote to Jasper, saying how sorry I was for causing him so much pain. I explained that I never blamed him for Edward leaving in the first place, a year ago. In my letter to Emmett, I told him how he was the big brother I never knew I wanted and that I'd miss his horrible jokes and huge, rib-shattering hugs. In my note to Rosalie, I explained that I never meant to come off as selfish – I just knew what I wanted and unfortunately, I couldn't get it while maintaining my humanity. I asked her to forgive me. I thanked Carlisle and Esme for everything they had done for me, for being so amazing and compassionate. I told Esme how much I appreciated and loved her – she was the mother figure that I never had.

My letter to Edward was the hardest. I wrote paragraphs, describing my love for him. I told him about all my favorite memories and how I wished he hadn't died, but that I knew we'd see each other someday and that I could not wait. I told him that I would try my hardest to go on, because that's what he wanted. By the time I was finished, the paper was smudged and crinkly from the tears that had fallen onto the paper.

I left the 6 letters on their doorstep the following night.

They were gone the next day.

* * *

I decided to take a sabbatical – I just couldn't face moving all the way across the country to attend Dartmouth without Edward. I couldn't stand living alone in the apartment meant for us. I couldn't stand attending all my classes without him sitting beside me, distracting me. I just couldn't be alone. Once I explained that it was a family emergency, Dartmouth was very understanding and they were allowing me to enroll next year if that was my decision.

I didn't plan on ever attending Dartmouth.

Instead, I stayed with Charlie. I slept in my bed, ignoring the entire left side (Edward always laid on that side) and when the loneliness got to be too much, I laid a pillow on that side of the bed and pretended it was him. He was very accommodating, realizing that I was still grieving. I think he could relate. Except that his wife left him and my fiancé died a tragic death and I didn't even have my friends to help me. I continued to work at Newton's, along with Mike. He was leaving in the fall to go to college but he was here for the time being.

It was mid–September now and all my old friends from Forks High had left for college. Mike was the only one left. He was going to UCLA, but their term didn't start until the first of October. Mike was in the back, restocking, when he walked in the door.

I looked up at the sound of the bell, ready to greet the customer. I froze when I saw him. I hadn't seen him in months – what was he doing showing up now?

"Hey Bella." His voice seemed deeper, huskier.

"Jacob." My tone was cool as I looked back down at the inventory book I had been going through. I pretended I was busy, noting that we were low on hiking boots when, in all honesty, I was too shocked to even read what was on the page, let alone hold my pencil steady.

He slowly approached the desk with trepidation.

"I heard you were still in town. Shouldn't you be in Alaska?" His voice no longer held the warmth and friendliness that he was known for – it was empty and cold.

"Plans changed." I knew I was being unnecessarily short, but we were about to approach a topic I did not want to discuss – _could not_ discuss. And he wasn't here when I needed him most. He ran off. I had every right to be pissed.

"Well, how was the wedding?"

"Nonexistent." On the outside, I was the epitome of cool and confident. On the inside, I was a wreck.

"You called it off?" I saw his hands rest on the counter. I shifted my gaze to the flyers sitting to the left of his hands before slowly raising my eyes to look at him, studying his appearance. He looked so much older. He hadn't shaved recently and it was obvious that he had been in his wolf form for a while. He was completely dressed for once and his hair was cropped short like it was when he first began phasing.

"No, Jacob. Is there something you needed to tell me? I'm trying to work."

I slammed the book shut and stood up.

"Why…I – I don't understand. Did _he_ call it off? And why are you wearing his ring if you didn't get married?"

_Because I can't face the truth. Because I can't let him go._

"Please, Jacob. I really, really don't want to have this conversation." I walked around the counter and stalked off towards the back. He didn't follow me.

By the time my shift was over, I was exhausted and ready to go home. I got into the Guardian – just like my ring, I couldn't bear to part with it – and drove home. Charlie's cruiser was already there. As much as I loved my dad and appreciated all that he was doing, I honestly hated being around him now. He was constantly walking on eggshells around me, acting as if I was about to go insane. Reluctantly, I walked up the sidewalk and into the house.

"I'm home dad." I called, hanging my jacket up. A second later Charlie walked in the room.

"Hey Bells. I'm going over to Billy's tonight. Do you want to come?"

I shook my head. "I'm kind of beat. Hard shift today." I shrugged as I walked into the kitchen.

"Alright. Well, I'll be there if you change your mind." Charlie said hesitantly.

I nodded as I turned the oven on and took the marinated chicken out of the fridge, getting ready to prepare dinner. "Alright."

He finally shrugged on his coat and left, saying he'd be home late.

Once he was gone I sighed with relief and stuck the chicken in the oven.

I walked upstairs and decided to get a shower while I was waiting. The water felt so refreshing, beating down on my aching muscles. I stayed in until the hot water was gone. I reluctantly got out and changed into a tank top and pajama bottoms. It was a bit chilly so I pulled on a sweatshirt.

I was sitting down, eating dinner and reading when I was startled by a loud banging coming from the front door. I stood up and cautiously walked over to it.

It was Jacob and he looked pissed.

He was about to open his mouth when I sighed and slammed the door & bolted it before walking back to the kitchen. I suddenly wasn't hungry anymore. I ignored his calls and the pounding on the door as I wrapped the food up and placed it in the refrigerator. I picked up my book and walked upstairs.

I wouldn't put it past Jacob to climb the tree – he was nothing if not determined – so I made sure to lock the window and close the drapes. Surely he'd get the hint. I crawled into bed and turned out the light, determined to fall asleep quickly.

"_Edward, NO!" I screamed as Edward pleaded with Jane._

_He glanced back at me, giving me his signature tortured look. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I knew Edward well enough to know what he was doing._

_I screamed, begged him to stop._

_Jane and Caius shared a look before turning back to Edward and nodding. I tried to run over to him, but Alice and Emmett held me back. It was no use – I was too weak; I couldn't fight off Edward's siblings._

_I went limp and sobbed into Emmett's massive chest as I watched Edward being taken away._

"Bells?"

I woke up to find Charlie sitting on the edge of my bed, calling my name softly, rubbing my leg.

"Huh?" I asked sleepily. My speech was garbled from lack of use and from the tears I had shed earlier.

"Bells, Jake's downstairs. He looks…he wants to talk to you…honey, he doesn't look good."

I choked in disbelief. He waited outside for this long?

"But if you want," Charlie quickly added, "I can tell him you're asleep."

I bit my lip in hesitation. I felt awful for shunning him if he was waiting outside this whole time, in the stormy weather…but I couldn't go there. Not now, not with him.

I shook my head slowly, burying my face in my pillow.

"Alright. Go back to sleep, okay?" he whispered, leaning down to place a kiss on my head.

He stood up and shut the door quietly behind him.

I had to give Charlie credit. A year ago – hell, 2 months ago, he would have guilted me into talking to Jacob. But now, he understood. He was on my side for once, instead of Jacob's. I hated that it took Edward's death to make it happen, but I was thankful that I had someone on my side during all this.

I just wondered how long it would last.

* * *

**Thanks to PTB. They're amazing. This chapter was _rough_. Bella is a bit OOC - my Bella is a lot more like Kristen Stewart's Bella than the Bella in the books. She's a bit more sarcastic and she's pretty bitter about Edward's death. She is hurting - but she's also very angry about what has happened to the entire 's putting up a front and is trying to seem indifferent. Just because she acts like she doesn't care, doesn't mean that's how she really feels. (:**

**Reviews make me write faster. ;p  
**


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks to PTB. Those girls are so freaking amazing. They make my writing slightly less crappy. lol

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight. I don't own anything. Except my cat. She's my baby. (:

* * *

Jacob continued to contact me for the next several days, but I ignored him. If he came into the store, I told Mike I was going to do inventory and he'd keep Jacob at bay. If Jacob came by the house, I feigned sleep or refused to let him in. Eventually he stopped and I was grateful – all that running was beginning to take a toll on me.

When I wasn't avoiding Jacob, I spent my days working and doing all I could to keep busy. When I wasn't busy, I started thinking of Edward and that only caused a meltdown. I didn't have a whole lot of time to myself these days, so I tried to keep the breakdowns to a bare minimum.

Mike was leaving September 25 and he asked if I wanted to hang out before he left. I figured I could use the distraction and truthfully, I liked Mike – when he wasn't hitting on me. We had decided to drive out to Port Angeles the Sunday before he left. It was also his last day at the store, coincidentally.

So when Sunday came, Mike picked me up and we headed to Port Angeles. Charlie was thrilled that I was going out and regaining my social life. We had decided on walking around the boardwalk, just window-shopping. We had fun on the way there, listening to the radio and reminiscing.

We were in front of a small boutique deciding where to eat when I saw someone familiar walking out of the shop.

"Emmett?" I gasped. Suddenly Rosalie walked out behind him. He turned around and his eyes widened when he saw me.

"Bella!" he smiled. I looked at the couple carefully as they made their way over to us. They looked tired, and while I knew it was physically impossible for them to be so, they looked several years older. They both had dark circles under their eyes and Emmett had less of a bounce in his step. He was the only Cullen that seemed to always be in good spirits but there was something missing in his eyes. And Rosalie, while she was still stunning by any human standards, looked worse for wear. Her hair looked tangled and she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt rather than something you'd find in the latest issue of Vogue. They certainly looked like they had been suffering; Edward's death had taken a toll on them.

He crossed the distance between us quickly – Rosalie was a bit more hesitant. He pulled me into one of his famous bear hugs, lifting me off the ground. He set me down and I saw him glance at Mike for the briefest second.

"What…what are you doing here?" I asked in disbelief.

"We're leasing the house, and someone needed to be here for all the legal work and Esme wanted us to stop here." Emmett held up a bag from Pier 1 as proof.

"Oh. So…you're not – you're not staying?" my face fell.

"No. We're not." I flinched at the bitterness in Rosalie's tone. I looked over to see her glaring at Mike. "I see you're doing fine." Her brow arched; she was challenging me.

"Rose," Emmett chastised. He smiled apologetically.

"Humph." She turned around and strutted over to the Mercedes parked on the curb.

"I'm sorry about her." Emmett apologized.

I shook my head. "No. It's fine, I get it. How is everyone?"

"They're…dealing." Emmett hesitated.

"Bella, I'm just gonna go inside for a minute." Mike awkwardly pointed towards the bookstore.

"Okay. I'll meet you in a sec." I gave him a reassuring smile before turning back to Emmett. "Okay, tell me the truth." I crossed my arms expectantly.

Emmett heaved a big sigh. "Alice is…she rarely leaves her room. Jasper stays with her. Esme is just…she's inconsolable. Carlisle's tried everything, but it's hard for him to cheer the rest of us up when he's grieving himself." He suddenly looked so much older than he actually was.

"And you?" I asked, biting into my lip to stop it from trembling.

He shrugged. "Rosalie acts aloof. It's just a façade, and everyone knows that, but it's bothering Alice. There have been a few blowouts. And…yeah, I miss him." His voice choked at the end.

He cleared his throat. "Are you – how are you doing?" his voice was gruff.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I could barely make out Emmett's features. "I've been better."

He nodded. "I'm sorry we had to leave, Bella. I know how much…"he paused, "I know how much you cared for him."

I pursed my lips and nodded slowly, cursing my emotions as tears escaped. "I…"I cleared my throat. "I really miss you. I miss everyone."

It was then that I lost it. Emmett pulled me into his arms and let me sob into his chest. Thankfully, it was almost dark and it was Sunday, so the streets were practically deserted. He held my head against his chest and I felt him trembling. I felt horrible for the Cullens – at least I could cry, I had an outlet. They had nothing. I wanted nothing more than to beg Emmett to take me back with him, to see the Cullens again, but it just wasn't possible. It would be way too painful and I couldn't leave Charlie like that.

Finally, the tears subsided and Emmett gently pulled away. "Bella, I want you to listen to me, okay?" he asked, looking me in the eyes as he gripped my shoulders.

I nodded hesitantly, anxious about Emmett's demeanor.

"Edward would not want you to mourn. He'd want you to move on, I promise you that. I know that because if something happened to me, I'd want Rose to move on and Edward's a hell of a lot more selfless than me." His mouth perked up.

"But-"I interrupted.

"No buts, Bella. Don't close yourself off either. Let your friends in, let your father in. They just want to help you. And…I know how you felt about Jacob. And I know that we didn't always get along with him, but it's obvious that he cares for you just as much as Edward did. Don't be scared. Edward knew better than anyone else how lonely life could be. He'd want you to be happy."

I nodded furiously, trying to keep my emotions under control. "I'm sorry we can't keep in contact with you Bella. But if you're ever in trouble, we'll be there in a second. Goodbye Bella." He leaned down and kissed my forehead before walking out to his car.

"Bye Emmett." I whispered as I watched him drive away.

When Mike dropped me off later that night, we said our goodbyes in case we wouldn't see each other before he left and agreed to keep in contact through e-mails. I didn't notice the familiar red car in the yard until I was walking to the door – it was hidden in the shadows under the large oak. I clenched my teeth and prayed that I could sneak by unnoticed.

I was halfway to the kitchen when Charlie called my name. "Bella, is that you?"

_Who the hell else would it be?_ I cursed internally before answering.

"Yeah, it's me."

I heard low voices and I was just about to climb the stairs when someone entered the kitchen.

"Bella,"

I took a deep breath as I slowly turned around to face Jacob.

"What do you want Jacob?"

"Why are you ignoring me?" he looked hurt.

I turned around and began walking up the stairs.

"Bella!" he rushed forward and grabbed my arm.

"Let me go, Jacob." I warned. "I'm really, really not in the mood."

"You haven't been 'in the mood' for almost 2 weeks." He glared at me.

"And yet you still haven't taken a hint." I tried to pull my arm free and was unsuccessful.

"I know what you're doing Bella."

"Screw you, Jacob Black." I hissed before wrenching my arm from his loosened grip and rushing up the stairs.

"_One more week." Edward grinned._

"_Seven days and I'll be Mrs. Edward Cullen." I giggled, reaching for his hand and intertwining our fingers._

"_You're not getting cold feet?" he teased, his smile softening._

_I shook my head. "I love you, Edward. This is what I want. I just don't want the big production. You know that."_

_His smiled widened once more and he pulled our clasped hands to his mouth before placing soft kisses on my knuckles._

"_I love you, Bella."_

"_Love you too." I snuggled up to him and breathed in his heavenly scent as the sound of his deep, smooth voice humming my lullaby lulled me to sleep._

I bolted up in bed, shaking. I looked to my right – the bed was empty and cold. It was just a dream, but it felt so damn real. My eyes welled up and I lay back down and rolled onto my side. I gathered my pillow in my arms and buried my face in it, trying my hardest to detect Edward's scent. It was useless – it had been too long. All I could smell was Tide and the scent of my shampoo. The tears fell and I clutched my pillow harder as the sobs took over. The dream had felt so real – I could still feel his arms around me, feel his lips on my hand, hear the sound of his voice. I missed him so damn much and I'd do anything to see him one more time. I thought him leaving me last year was bad, but at least he was alive. At least there was the chance that I might see him again. I felt like half of me was missing and I couldn't do anything to fix it. I couldn't live like this for the rest of my life, until I was old and died. I just couldn't. I couldn't wait seventy-odd years to see him again. The thought was incomprehensible.

I suddenly couldn't stand it anymore. I had to get out. I didn't care that it was only 6 in the morning. I stumbled out of bed, still blinded by my tears and pulled on a t-shirt and jeans. I hurried downstairs and grabbed my keys. Charlie's cruiser was gone – he must have already left for work. I jumped in my truck and headed to La Push. When I pulled in front of the familiar red house, I prayed that Billy was awake, but that Jacob was either out or still asleep.

I knocked on the door and I didn't have to wait long – Billy answered the door, with a large smile on his face.

"Hey Bella. Jacob's still-"

"I figured." I interrupted. "I just came by to get my motorcycle."

"Oh." He looked surprised. "Well, it's still out back, in the shed."

"Thanks Billy." I grinned before heading out back. Once I had it stowed in the back of my truck, I headed out to the back roads where Jacob taught me so many months ago.

I remembered the hallucinations I used to have before and I was hoping I might have them again. I wanted – no, needed to hear Edward's voice again. I never, ever wanted to forget what it sounded like. Once I had pulled onto the side of the road, I unloaded the bike and mounted it. I took off and pressed on the gas as hard as I could. It was a pretty straight road for a while, so I figured I was all right.

_Come on, Edward. Say something._

When it didn't work, I got a bit more reckless. I slowly lifted from the seat – I was now standing, my feet on the pedals. My grip on the handlebars was the only thing keeping me anchored to the bike.

_Bella, stop that _right now.

There you go. I grinned, ecstatic.

_Isabella Swan, get off that bike._

I began to laugh. The adrenaline rush was amazing and his voice ringing in my ears made it so much better. I was happy again. I was just about to ease myself back on the bike when something went horribly wrong.

A large wolf sprinted across the road and I was going too fast – I couldn't swerve. I slammed on the brakes and was suddenly pitched forward. I hit the ground but bounced right back up. I did a cartwheel in the air and finally landed on my stomach, my jaw slamming into the pavement, accompanied by a sickening crunch. I heard and felt the bike fall on its side – the front wheel fell on my legs, pinning them to the ground. I began to scream but blood was running down the side of my face, into my mouth, effectively choking me. I felt lightheaded and everything was spinning. I couldn't see clearly and I couldn't feel my legs. The last thing I remembered was the sound of someone running.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to PTB. (:**

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Twilight. If I did, I'd be off living in Hawaii, getting skin cancer right about now, not sitting in my house while it rained all freaking day. ;p  
**

_I was in the meadow. There were wildflowers surrounding me as I lay back in the soft grass, and I hummed contentedly as a gentle breeze passed over me. I was about to open my eyes when I heard a familiar silky voice._

"_Bella."_

_I looked directly to my right to see him lying less than a foot away from me. His bronze hair was messy and rumpled as it had always been._

"_Edward?"_

"_It's me, love."_

"_Where are we? Why are you here?"_

"_I'm here for you, Bella." The corner of his mouth twitched, and he raised his hand to cup my cheek._

"_What?" I sat up, completely disoriented. I didn't understand why Edward – who was dead – and I were lying in our meadow, acting as if the last few months had never happened. "But…I – you…you're dead."_

"_Yes, I am." He followed my movement and stepped closer._

"_So, I'm dreaming then?"_

"_I don't know, are you?" He smiled crookedly as I frowned at his cryptic answer._

"_I must not be; you're stubborn as ever," I murmured._

_He tilted his head back and gave a startling loud laugh. He sobered and focused on me again. "I've missed you."_

"_I miss you too. Every day." I crawled into his lap clumsily and wrapped my arms around his torso. I smiled at the feel of the familiar ice-cold marble skin through the thin material of his shirt._

"_Bella, you mustn't do this." Edward sighed as he pulled me close and pressed his lips against my temple._

_I leaned back so I could see his face. "What am I supposed to do? I can't do this without you, Edward. I love you." My eyes burned, and I blinked, allowing the tears to escape._

_He shook his head and wiped my tears away. "There are people that love you, Bella. Don't let them down. They need you."_

"I_ need _you_." I desperately wished he would understand how much I needed him, how hard it was to go without seeing his face, hearing his voice._

"_Bella, I want you to move on. You deserve all the happiness in the world. You deserve things that I can no longer give to you."_

"_No. I can't do that. Why are you telling me to do all these things you know are impossible for me to do? I can't live without you; I don't _want_ to live without you. Screw everyone else. There's not a thing in this world that holds any meaning to me anymore. Not now that you're gone."_

"Do not say that Isabella_. Don't you dare give up, damn it. If you give up then all my work will have been for nothing. My sacrifice would have been in vain. Is that what you want?"_

"_Kiss me. I want you to kiss me."_

"_Bella-"_

"_No, Edward. If this is the last time I'll see you, if my time with you is limited, I want to make the most of it. I want you."_

_He complied, pressing his lips against mine. I pressed my body closer, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. He opened his mouth, begging for entrance into mine. I didn't hesitate in giving him permission. His left hand cupped my neck while his right slid down to my waist. He gently pushed me back until I was lying down in the grass. He hovered over me, our mouths never separating._

_This was heaven. We had never kissed this deeply while he had been alive. He claimed it was too dangerous- it would be too easy for him to cut me with his teeth, for venom to get in my bloodstream. I moaned and let one of my hands wrap around his neck and tugged on a fistful of his soft hair. I reveled in the taste of his mouth. He tasted sweeter than anything I had ever tasted. There was no comparison. The pressure of his legs and pelvis on mine was too much, and I separated my legs, allowing him to nestle between them._

"_Edward," I moaned as his lips made their way along my jaw and down my neck. I could die happily right now._

_As if he knew what I was thinking at that exact moment, Edward abruptly pulled away. "You can't do this, Bella. You must go on. Your father needs you, Jacob needs you. Imagine the pain they would have to go through if they lost you. Do you really wish that upon them?"_

_I shook my head. "Charlie was going to lose me anyway. And, Jacob doesn't love me." I pulled myself up to kiss Edward again but he pulled back._

"_You know that's not true. You're not so selfish as to leave Charlie. And Jacob does love you. His love for you equals my adoration for you, sweetheart. Let him help you. Don't push him away."_

_I couldn't believe what Edward was saying. Why was he saying this? Was he trying to tell me that his feelings for me weren't as strong as he led me to believe, or was he trying to make me realize how true Jacob's feelings were?_

_I decided that it didn't matter. It didn't matter how much Jacob supposedly cared for me – I preferred Edward. I wanted him._

"_I don't want to leave you, Edward. I love you so much."_

"_I'm here, Bella. I'll be here for as long as you need me."_

"_Edward, please," I begged frantically. I could feel it in my gut; our time was about to run out._

"_I love you Bella. You're the love of my life. I'll be waiting for you, although I don't plan on you joining me for quite a few more decades." He gave me his signature crooked grin._

"_I love you, too, Edward." I held his hand and watched him slowly fade away. _

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

Was that my alarm clock? Why was it making a weird noise? And why did my room suddenly smell like a hospital? And I had a killer headache. Actually, I ached all over. I tried to lift my arm to turn off my alarm clock but I felt a sharp tugging in my hand. Huh?

I slowly opened my eyes and was accosted by bright lights. I squinted as I allowed my pupils to adjust. All I could see was white. Oh, right.

I was in the hospital.

Again.

What was it this time? Did I fall down the stairs or accidentally stab myself? What could have possibly happened to cause them to put me in a hospital bed?

"Bella? Oh, thank God." I heard a familiar voice. I gently turned my head towards the voice. It was Charlie. His face was way too close to mine.

"D-dad?" I rasped. My voice sounded horrible, like I hadn't had anything to drink in weeks.

"Bella," he sighed in relief as the doctor walked in.

"Hello, Isabella. How are you feeling today?"

"Um…okay," I mumbled distractedly.

"I'd like to ask you a few questions, Bella, if that's okay with you." He smiled as he began to check my vitals.

I nodded.

"Could you tell me what year it is?"

"2007."

"Good. And what is your full name?"

"Isabella Marie Swan."

"And your birthday?"

"September 13."

"Alright. Great." He scribbled notes down on my chart before looking up.

"The good news is that your vitals look fine. I'd still like to keep you for a few more days, just as a safety precaution." He gave me a kind smile.

I nodded before giving a big yawn. I was getting really sleepy again. "How's the pain? Would you like something?"

I shook my head. "Not right now."

Once Charlie and I were alone in the room, I turned to him. "What happened?"

"Jake found you. He called 911, and he tried reaching me, but I was away from the station. The dispatcher asked me to run out there. Imagine my shock when I find out that the 'mindless idiot' was my daughter." He gave me a harsh look.

"How bad was it?"

"You broke your left leg and sprained your right ankle. You cracked a few ribs and punctured a lung. You – "he broke off, looking so much older than his 39 years.

"Yes?" I prodded.

"You've been in surgery on and off for days. You had us all worried, honey." Charlie held my hand in both of his.

"What day is it?" I wasn't sure if I even wanted the answer.

"October first."

I felt like I had been sucker-punched. _Two weeks_? I had been out for two weeks?

"Your mother's here. She went down to the cafeteria."

"Can you go get her?" I asked. It wasn't that I wanted to see her as much as it was that I wanted to be alone for a few minutes. It was a lot to take in.

"Yeah. Of course." Charlie stood up and exited the room. Knowing my father, he was softening the blow. And if it sounded this bad with him trivializing my injuries, I shuddered to think of how bad it actually was.

I didn't have long to contemplate when there was a knock on the door. I barely had time to open my mouth when the door opened and Jacob popped his head in. Once he saw I was awake, he opened the door wider and walked in, shutting the door behind him.

"Hey, Bells. How ya feelin'?"

"I've been better." I gave a weak smile. I'm pretty sure it looked more like a grimace.

I didn't realize what Charlie had told me until Jacob sat down beside me.

"Thank you. For..." I trailed off. "If it hadn't been for you, I'd be road kill," I joked.

Jacob huffed angrily. "That's not funny, Bella."

I felt my cheeks flame and looked down at my hands in my lap.

"But I'm glad you're okay...You _are_ okay, right?"

Yes, I'm fine. A little sore, but fine."

We fell into an awkward silence. Neither of us knew what to say – I knew he was struggling with the conversation we both knew we needed to have, and I wasn't completely comfortable with him after what happened with us in May.

Thankfully, we were saved when Renee walked in the room.

"Hey, baby." She rushed over to me, a large grin taking up half her face.

"Hi, Mom." I smiled, anticipating her nonsensical rambling that was sure to come.

"We were so worried about you, honey. I booked a flight the second Charlie called me. Phil came down too, but he wasn't able to stay, you know, with practice and all that. But he'll be so happy you're awake – he was a nervous wreck, you know. Your friend, Jacob here," she gestured to Jacob who was slowly backing away, "hasn't left. His friend even got all his homework for him, and he's been doing it here. Baby, what were you thinking? You know how your father feels about motorcycles." Renee sat down on the edge of the bed, messing with my hair.

Motorcycle, huh? Someone's a bit of a daredevil. Where the hell did I even get the motorcycle? They've been in Jacob's shed since Charlie found out about them. Did I go out riding with him? Why couldn't I remember any of this?

"I'm sorry I scared you all." I didn't know what to say, but apologizing sounded about as good as anything.

"Don't apologize, Bella. We're just glad you're alright."

"What…what happened?" I asked hesitantly.

"Your dad didn't tell you?" Renee cocked her head, her brows knitted in confusion.

I gave her a look. She knew Charlie as well as I did – she knew damn well that he hadn't told me the whole story.

"Right." She gave a short, humorless laugh. She told me about the broken legs and ribs, but I also learned that I had practically crushed my face but the plastic surgeon on staff had remedied that.

I raised my hand up and felt my face.

The portion of my face from my hairline to my nose was sporadically covered in bandages and stitches, as was my jaw. It felt really stiff too – I made a note to ask the doctor if I had broken it. The small parts that weren't covered with bandages were swollen. Miraculously, my jaw and mouth was left untouched for the most part. My bottom lip had to have two stitches, and I had stitches from right below my right ear all the way down to the underside of my chin. And I felt really out of it. Doctors were always so drug-happy, giving you way more meds than you actually needed.

Evidentially I was really drugged up, or else I would've noticed the weird feeling you got from having stitches in your face.

"And…there's something else, baby. Your dad doesn't think I should tell you, but-"

"What is it? Am I okay? Is something wrong with me? Am I sick or something?" I panicked and the machine monitoring my blood pressure went off, alerting the nurses. A second later a nurse rushed in, Charlie right behind her.

"Sweetie, you've got to calm down," the nurse murmured as she fiddled with all the machines beside me. "Your body can't handle any extra stress."

"What's going on?" Charlie asked, rushing to my bedside.

"I…" Renee began.

"C'mon Mom, what is it?" I persisted, worried.

Charlie's head whipped around, staring at Renee. "You told her?" Charlie interrupted, furious.

"No! But I think you should tell her. She deserves to know," she argued.

"I was going to...just not yet. Look at what just happened, and she doesn't even know what it is yet. She needs to recuperate."

"Well, you better hurry before – "

"Stop!" I cried. "Stop fighting!" I was beginning to get really irritated.

The nurse had left the room, shutting the door behind her. My parents turned to look at me.

"I'll…I'm going down to the cafeteria for a second," Jacob mumbled before stumbling out of the room.

"Bells, honey," Charlie began, pulling up a chair.

"Is _anyone_ going to tell me what's going on?" I glared at my parents.

"Bella, honey…when the doctors took x-rays, they found something…"

"Don't freak her out, Charlie!" Renee scolded. "Bella, did you and Edward ever…" she trailed off.

I furrowed my brow, not sure where she was going with this. "Did we ever what?"

"Did you two ever have sex?"

My eyes widened. No. It wasn't possible.

"Are you trying to tell me I'm pregnant? Because if you are, you're wrong."

"Bella, sweetie, we're not going to yell at you. If you and – "

"No, Mom. It's impossible. He's…he-he can't…it's just not possible. I don't care what the doctors say."

"Bells," Charlie cut in.

"I…I can't be pregnant. I don't understand…"

"Bella, do you…do you think that maybe – maybe he told you that so that…"

"No!" I protested. I couldn't believe Renee could even consider that. "Wait-how'd they even know?" I didn't know much about pregnancy, but I was pretty sure that it was too early to find a heartbeat on an ultrasound.

"It's standard procedure. Just so that they don't accidentally give you medication that could harm the fetus."

"But I- I don't understand. He…he couldn't have children. There was no chance. That's why we went ahead…" I trailed off. I knew that Edward had talked to Carlisle. If there was any chance, Edward wouldn't have gone along with it. This was completely unprecedented.

"I'm sorry, Bella." Renee murmured, sitting on the edge of the bed, brushing my hair out of my face.

"Were you just not going to tell me?" I asked Charlie.

"I was going to – I just wanted to give you a chance to rest."

I gave him an icy glare.

"Bella, I'm sorry."

I looked away, willing my tears to disappear. "I'm kind of thirsty."

"Do you want me to go get you some water?"

I nodded and watched my parents leave.

As soon as they were out of the room I sighed in relief and leaned my head back, closing my eyes.

"Bella." My eyes flashed open and I looked over to see Jacob enter the room.

"Sorry." He grimaced.

"It's alright." I sighed, leaning back once again. Jacob didn't say anything for several moments.

"Did you know?"

"Kind of." He grimaced.

I scoffed. "Kind of? Either you did or you didn't."

"I overheard the doctor telling your dad."

"And what, you decided I didn't need to know either?" I snapped.

"It wasn't my place to tell you." He shrugged.

"Why are you even here? Aren't you supposed to be mad at me or something?" I grumbled.

"Yeah…I guess. But for some reason I can't bring myself to yell at you while you're incapacitated. I mean, you can't even hit me if I piss you off. I'd hate to rob you of an opportunity at getting back at me for breaking your hand." He winked.

I really wasn't in the mood to joke.

"What do you want, Jacob? I just woke up to find I'm having a baby. My dead fiancé's baby. A dead fiancé who, up until now, I thought was infertile."

"Well, look at the bright side – at least you've graduated, that way you don't have to listen to all those losers talk about how you got knocked up by some random guy, claiming it was Edward just so you could get your hands on his money."

"Are you trying to help or something? Because you're really only making it worse."

"A for effort?" He smiled hopefully.

I rolled my eyes, but lay back down, turning my face away from him. It was obvious I was in Seattle – I could see the space needle and the bustling city outside the window. No wonder Jake and my parents stayed here – it was a long drive. Jacob's dedication made it hard for me to stay angry with him – he had to be crazily sleep-deprived. I wanted to get out of here. I wanted to go home. Actually, I wish Jacob had been too late. At least then I'd be with Edward in the meadow like in my dream, not lying in a hospital bed, drugged up with painkillers. I immediately felt guilty for thinking that. It wasn't just me anymore. I had someone else to think about. I couldn't do stupid crap like riding motorcycles and jumping off cliffs anymore. My daredevil days were over.

I moved my hand to spin my engagement ring around my finger, and I panicked when I felt my bare finger.

"Jacob?" I asked worriedly.

"What is it?" he sat up, staring at me intently, his eyes slightly crazed.

"Where is my ring?"

His shoulders slumped in relief. "Charlie has it. They had to remove everything for surgery."

"Oh." I relaxed and focused on slowing my breathing and heart rate. The last thing I wanted was for the nurse to come in here again.

"Jacob?" I asked again.

"Yeah?" He leaned back in the chair, his legs splayed out in front of him.

"How bad was it?"

"Didn't – "

"I ask Charlie?" I finished for him. "Yeah, but he's not going to give me the whole story. He thinks I'm still a little girl that can't handle the truth. That's why I asked Renee, but I'm sure you've noticed by now that she's dramatic and emotional. I would like a straight answer."

"It was close. Scared the hell outta me. But as soon as you were out of surgery the majority of the danger was gone. The main concern was over the baby. Dr. Gerandy said it's a miracle the baby survived. It really shouldn't have. They said trauma like that…this early on…it's not good. You're uh…you're pretty high risk right now. They said until the second trimester, at least."

"And what about my face?" I asked, not sure if I wanted to hear the truth.

"You're fine Bells. It wasn't even that serious. Actually, there was this big argument over it. The doctors said it could wait, that it was probably better to wait, especially with the baby. There was a possibility of complications, so Charlie wanted to wait but your mom told them to go ahead."

"I bet Charlie was pissed." I laughed humorlessly.

"I've never seen Charlie so angry. Made his whole blowup about the bikes seem like nothing."

I grimaced. "Well, maybe it's a good thing I was unconscious then."

"Yeah, probably," Jacob agreed. Just then Charlie walked back in the room, a pitcher in his hand.

"Here's some ice chips. Should help your throat." He gave me a weak smile as he et the pitcher on the tray at the foot of the bed.

"Have you talked to Dr. Gerandy?" I asked, hopeful.

Charlie nodded. "If your BP goes down and everything else is normal, they'll release you in two days."

He turned to Jacob. "Renee's driving back to Forks tonight. Do you want her to give you a ride home?"

He shook his head. "Nah. You sure you don't want to go back? I can stay here with Bells, I don't mind."

Charlie shook his head. "I feel better being close by, just in case anything happens."

"Go home, Jake. I'm not going to be very good company. I'll probably sleep the whole time," I insisted.

He gave me a questioning look, as if to ask me if I was sure.

"Go. I'll see you when I get home." I offered a smile.

He deliberated for a moment before sighing and grabbing his completely unnecessary jacket. "Bye, Bells. See ya soon." He leaned down and pressed his lips to my forehead.

As soon as he left the room Charlie rounded on me. "So, I take it that you two have made up?"

I rolled my eyes. Seriously – he and Billy were worse than Mrs. Stanley and Mrs. Mallory. "We're talking, yes," I clarified.

"Good." He cleared his throat before sitting in the chair Jacob had just vacated.

"Get some sleep. I'm starting to miss that damn house." Charlie winked.

"Too bad, I'm beginning to fall in love with this hospital. Especially the bed. In fact, I think I may want to live here."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Wow. That definitely took longer than I planned. I royally suck. lol  
So, a few months ago I said it wasn't necessary to re-read the edited chapters. I lied. You might want to read them. The story will flow better and I fixed a lot of the inconsistencies. Again, you don't have to, but I recommend it :)  
That said, I'm super nervous about this chapter. There's a flashback scene at the end that gives this story it's rating. If you're not old enough to get into a rated R movie by yourself, skip over it.  
I put it in only because it's necessary to the plot - there's really no way around it.**

The next few days went well. My blood pressure dropped significantly and the baby seemed fine. Dr. Gerandy allowed me to leave Friday morning. Renee had opted out of coming back to the hospital – instead, she said she'd stay at the house and would have dinner ready when we arrived. Charlie and I made plans to stop somewhere for dinner before heading home.

A small part of me wondered if this was how life would have been had my parents not gotten divorced. I didn't spend too much time on it – it was all just wishful thinking, if even that. Renee would have never been content just sitting around the house, waiting for me to come home from school and Charlie to come home from work. As it was, I was wondering how she was going to stand living under Charlie's roof for the next two weeks. She had decided to stay and help out with me. I was pretty much a cripple, what with a big, clunky cast weighing me down and bandages circling my torso, restricting my movement. The bandages could come off in a week, but Dr. Gerandy said it'd be a while before I'd be able to move freely, without pain. Renee would leave as soon as I became adjusted to the cast and could travel up and down the stairs without falling.

It was a three-hour drive from Seattle to Forks and with the traffic, it'd probably take close to four. We wouldn't get home until almost 5:00. I called Jacob, letting him know I was coming home. He asked if I wanted him to come over and I told him no, I'd probably be tired and planned to crash right after I ate some real food. I was anxious to get back home. Hell, I kind of wished I hadn't graduated, that way I'd have school to distract me. I didn't want everyone treating me like I was glass, like I might shatter any moment.

After a long drive, Charlie and I finally arrived home . The scent of smoke and something burning hit us head-on the second Charlie opened the door. I limped into the kitchen as fast as I could, worried about what kind of disaster I'd find. Renee was bent over in front of the open oven, waving an oven mitt in front of the small fire that was forming.

I watched as Charlie ran to the sink and filled a dirty pot with water. He yelled for Renee to move before throwing the water on the fire. It died instantly. I rolled my eyes; I was exhausted and it was making me irritable. I just wanted to get a shower and go to bed.

"I'll just run into town and get a pizza or something…" Renee mumbled, avoiding our gazes. I didn't bother telling her Charlie and I already ate; there was no sense in hurting her feelings.

"Can you help me first, Mom?" I asked.

"Yeah, yeah of course. Come on, honey." Renee gave me a sympathetic smile and wrapped her arm around my waist in support.

"I'm going to run down to the station. I'll be back soon," Charlie said, grabbing his coat.

Renee helped me upstairs and into the shower. Thirty minutes later I was clean and dressed in my pajamas, settled on the couch with a movie playing while Renee was out, getting food.

Nine o'clock found Renee in the kitchen putting pizza in the fridge and me in bed. Charlie wasn't home yet. Ironically, I had trouble settling down. I actually think I got more rest in the hospital, with the aide of sleeping pills. I had nothing to help me tonight.

Sleep eventually found me, but not before my eyes were swollen shut and my pillow was soaked with my tears.

The next ten days were hellish. I'd wake up. Renee would help me around the house (by day five I got used to the cast and was able to dress myself). I'd alternate between staying in bed, reading or lying on the couch, watching movies. Renee would go get dinner – she didn't touch the stove again – and feed Charlie and me. I'd go to my room early and cry myself to sleep. It was the same thing every day. Renee was leaving in four days. I think Charlie and I were both counting down the days. Not that I didn't love my mother – I did. But she was smothering me. And I missed Charlie. He was purposefully staying away. It was obvious that Charlie and Renee hated being in close proximity for extended periods of time.

The one thing that would suck about not having her here is my lack of transportation. I couldn't drive without my leg, and with Charlie at work and Jacob at school, I had no way to get anywhere.

It was day eleven – I was currently in the kitchen, fixing lunch (Renee was picking up my medication) when there was a knock on the door. I furrowed my brow, wondering who it would be. Jacob was at school,and my parents wouldn't knock.

I hobbled over to the door.

"Jacob!" I exclaimed, shocked. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at school?"

He shook his head. "No school."

"Oh."

"Aren't you going to let me in?" he teased.

I stepped aside, allowing him to walk inside.

"How've you been?" Jacob asked, stuffing his hands in his pockets. I limped into the kitchen to resume fixing my lunch.

I was halfway to the counter when Jacob grabbed my elbow. "Sit down and let me do that," he ordered me.

I sat down at the table and allowed him to finish making my lunch. There was no sense in arguing with him.

"So, how are you feeling?" he asked as he spread mayo on the bread.

I shrugged.

He raised his brows skeptically.

"I'm fine." I insisted.

Jacob gave me a disbelieving look but didn't say anything; instead he just laid the plate in front of me.

The silence continued for several more minutes.

"So, what? You're just not gonna talk to me?"

I cringed away from the angry look he gave me. What did he want me to say? _Oh yes, Jacob, I'm doing wonderful. Yeah, the love of my life just died and I'm having his baby – a baby that, truthfully, I don't think I can take care of – but don't worry, I'm totally happy._ Edward was my soulmate – it's not like you get more than one. There was no hope for me – I would never move on. And I knew what Jacob's argument would be – I had him. That's what everyone was telling me, but couldn't they see that it just wasn't fair to him? I'd be constantly thinking of Edward and comparing the two of them. Jacob didn't deserve that. I couldn't give him everything he deserved.

"Why are you antagonizing me?"

"I'm not. I just want you to talk. Bella, you tried to kill yourself-"

I opened my mouth to protest – I don't know why I even bothered – but he cut me off before I could make a sound.

"-and don't tell me you weren't. C'mon, riding motorcycles, cliff diving…do you think I'm stupid? I know what you're trying to do. I just don't understand why. How do you think Cullen would feel? He gave up everything to save your life and you're being so careless!"

"SHUT UP! Don't you dare talk to me about him! You hated him! You wanted him dead! Don't you so much as utter his name!" I yelled, flying to my feet. I felt myself lose my balance but grabbed onto the edge of the table before I could fall.

"Yeah, that's right – I hated him. He was arrogant and controlling and possessive. I didn't want the wedding to happen; I didn't want him to change you. But even I can't deny the fact that he loved you so much and he would've done anything – _anything_ for you and I respect him for that. He made you happy and I'm so, so damn sorry that this happened to you and you don't know how much I wish that there was something I could do to make this go away for you. But you can't give up, dammit. I've worked too damn hard for you to not even put up a fight!" His voice cracked at the end of his speech.

"Get out." I whispered.

"Bella," Jacob reached out to me.

"Get. Out. Of. My. House." I sneered, turning my grief into anger. The last thing I wanted to do was break down in front of Jacob.

"Fine. Fuck it. You don't want my help, alright. But stop risking your life. You have a goddamn kid inside you. Screw up your life all you want, but don't punish an innocent child." Jacob's face was stony, void of emotion. I hadn't seen him like this since the day he told me we couldn't be friends, more than a year ago.

I froze. I was going to have a baby. Edward's baby. I was going to be a mother. The fact that I was pregnant was just sinking in. It felt so surreal and I kind of just pushed the thought back to deal with later. I, Bella Swan, was pregnant. I never wanted kids and now here I was, pregnant and left to raise the kid alone. Oh shit.

I felt like throwing up. I was disgusting. It wasn't just me anymore; I had someone else to look after, take care of. I was so selfish.

I cried out in pain at the realization of what I could have done. I felt my legs turn into jelly and I threw out my hand to grab onto the counter but I missed. I crashed to the ground, my broken leg sticking straight out while my right knee hit the ground, breaking my fall. Jacob was by my side in an instant and was reaching for me when I heard keys jingling.

And that is how Renee found us when she walked in.

"Bella I –"she cut off abruptly and dropped the bag with my prescription on the counter. "What the hell is going on here? What did you do?" She rounded on Jacob.

"He didn't do anything, Mom. I fell." I groaned as I tried to lift myself up by grabbing the counter.

Jacob squatted down and lifted me up before Renee could even fully enter the room. He wrapped my arm around his shoulders, supporting me. My knee was killing me and it hurt to put too much pressure on it.

"You want me to take you upstairs?" Jacob asked. I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck as he swept my legs off the floor, into his arms.

Once we were upstairs, Jacob pushed my bedroom door open and laid me on my bed. He sat down on the edge of my bed.

"I'm sorry about what I said." I bit my lip.

He dismissed my apology. "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that."

"I did. Jake…" I shook my head, sighing as I struggled to move to my side to get comfortable.

"You're really not okay, are you?" Jacob sighed.

I shook my head pathetically.

He sighed and knelt down in front of me. "I'm here ,Bells. Just like before."

When I didn't say anything, he stood back up and gave me a soft kiss on my forehead. "Get some rest, Bella. Call me later if you want."

He gave me my favorite grin before leaving the room, shutting the door behind him. When I heard him say goodbye to Renee, I relaxed and turned over, reaching to turn the light out. I hadn't realized just how tired I really was. I was drifting into consciousness before I knew it.

"_Are you sure?"_

"_I trust you, Edward. You can't hurt me."_

_Edward and I were in his room, lounging on his bed. I had told Charlie that I was spending the weekend with Alice, going over wedding details. Everyone save for Alice and Carlisle had gone hunting, leaving Edward and me to our own devices. I had finally talked him into going further _physically_, to get him accustomed to my body and to help him overcome his lust – both kinds._

_We had been slowly acclimating ourselves for a little over a month now. We weren't going to go all the way, initially, until Alice had a vision of things going horribly wrong on our honeymoon and my future disappearing. We decided it'd be safer if we tried here first, where someone could be nearby in case something went wrong. It was Edward's stipulation that both Carlisle and Alice had to be nearby. It was incredibly embarrassing for me – they were vampires; they'd be able to hear every sound. Not that I thought Carlisle or Alice were particularly voyeuristic, but it was disconcerting knowing that your sister and future father-in-law knew exactly what you were doing._

_We had done so much in the short span of time. We explored many different things, but we always kept on at least one article of clothing. We hadn't seen each other fully naked and I was a bit nervous._

"_Alice says things look good, so long as one of them is in the house with us and I'm fully sated." Edward had gorged himself just hours ago, in hopes that that would help control his bloodlust. _

"_Let's do this then." I exhaled. I tried not to flinch at the sound of my shaky breath. I didn't want Edward to think I was nervous – he'd take it the wrong way. I wanted to do this so, so much. But, just like any other girl, the thought of losing my virginity – to a sex god, no less – was enough to make me feel like I was going to have a heart attack._

_It was dark in the room. Edward had turned out the lights to make me feel more comfortable, even though I knew it was stupid – Edward could see just as well without lights. The only lighting we had was the faint glow from the moon coming in from the floor-to-wall windows._

_I settled back, my head resting on a pillow while Edward lay on his side, his head propped up by his elbow. He ran his ice-cold hand down my arm and I felt goosebumps immediately follow. He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. I automatically parted my lips, wanting to feel his tongue. He still didn't allow me access to his mouth, in fear that something would go terribly wrong, but he had no reservations about exploring _mine_. Without hesitation, he slipped his tongue in my mouth, running it over my teeth, my tongue, my lips._

_I became overwhelmed with the sensation and pulled him on top of me. Edward chuckled at my exuberance._

"_Impatient, aren't we?"_

"_Yes." I pouted._

"_You must tell me if I hurt you. Do not hold back. Do you understand?" He gazed at me intently as he ran his hands from my hips, down my thighs, to the underside of my knees. He gently pulled my knees up, so that my legs were framing his hips. _

_He leaned down, capturing my lips once again. Slowly, he removed our clothes until we were bare. He took his time exploring my body, placing open-mouthed kisses on every inch of it. Finally, when I was sure I'd explode from the tension, he hovered over me, careful not to put any of his weight on me._

"_Are you okay, sweetheart? You still want to do this?" His brows were furrowed in concern. Ever the gentleman, making sure I was alright before he did anything._

"_Yes."_

"_I'll go slow. Bite my shoulder if it will help."_

_I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and buried my face in the hollow between his neck and shoulder. I knew it was going to hurt, but I was determined to stick through it._

_The pain was almost unbearable at first. I felt my nails dig into his shoulder blades and for once, I was thankful for his granite skin._

"_Are you alright?" he asked, his face full of concern._

"_I'm fine. Keep going." I gasped, trying to hide my discomfort._

"_I love you." _

_The pain finally subsided and I began to feel waves of pleasure, starting at my stomach and continuing outward._

"_Go." I moaned. I wrapped my legs around his waist, persuading him to go faster, harder, deeper. _

_The pleasure built and built until it didn't hurt at all._

"_I love you." I gasped as I ran my hands down his back, eager to feel every inch of his flesh that I could reach._

_Edward hissed as he dropped his head onto my shoulder._

_His hands fisted in the pillow I was lying on. The muscles in his arms were bulging – he was close. I grabbed his face and lifted it so that I could see him. Our eyes locked and his face screwed up._

"_Oh Bella… I'm…god….I love you so much…"He groaned and I felt him release into me. I clenched my muscles as hard as I could around him while he came._

_When he was down from his high, he pulled out and cupped my cheek._

"_Tell me what to do," he pleaded, desperate to bring me to the release he had just reached._

_I guided his hand down, showing him what to do. _

"_Edward!" I felt myself reach higher and higher until I finally tipped over the edge. He didn't remove his fingers until I had completely come down from my high._

_Afterwards we lay in his bed, catching our breath and, in my case, cooling off._

"_That was…so good." I panted, rolling my head to the side to face him._

"_It was. Why did we decide to wait so long?" Edward grinned._

"_Because someone's as stubborn as a mule," I retorted._

"_God, Bella, I love you so much."_

"_I love you too, Edward. Always."_

**A/N:** ***blushes* Ihate writing lemons, damn it. Although, I'm not sure if that really counts as a real lemon. Whatever. & if for some reason you skipped over the flashback, it was of E&B's first time. It was necessary to the plot. It's not like Bella's gonna go running to Renee, Charlie, or Jacob, reminiscing her first time. haha.**

**Chapter 6 is already written and I just have to edit it before sending it to PTB. I'm going to try to update more frequently. School's a bitch and I'm participating in the Bella and Jacob Big Bang, so my time is limited :/**

**I also have an outtake (from Jacob's POV) that I may post. Which would y'all like first? Chapter 6 or the outtake? :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: As you might have noticed, I changed the title of this fic from "The Aftermath" to "Stand Still, Look Pretty". I never liked "The Aftermath" as a title. I literally came up with it when I was about to post in on livejournal and realized, "Oh no, I never named the fic!" so I named it in about 5 seconds. But I was listening to the song, "Stand Still, Look Pretty" by the Wreckers and I realized how well it fit with my story, so I decided to change the name. It just took me like a month to get around to it. I get distracted easily. haha  
**

**I've actually had this chapter written for a couple weeks, I just hadn't gotten a chance to edit it after PTB looked it over. Sorry. :(  
School's been keeping me pretty busy and I've had the flu the last 2 weeks. I figured I'd get a lot of writing in then, but I ended up sleeping all day. *smiles sheepishly***

**But it's here now. This chapter's kind of a filler. Some things needed to be addressed before we move on, so that's what happens here. I'm working on chapter 6 and hopefully I'll get it done soon. I'll post the outtake the weekend of Nov. 6 (maybe sooner) but chapter 6 won't be out until around the 12th at the earliest. This coming weekend I'm celebrating my birthday with my friends and the Friday after that it actually **_**is**_** my birthday (the big 18. rotfl), so I'll be doing things with the family and I won't have much time, if any, to write. (:**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter, as boring as it is. ;)**

I spent most of Monday night in front of the toilet. I couldn't keep anything down. I was never having sex again if this was what I got in exchange. Screw that. I finally passed out on the tiled floor around 3 AM but was woken up by Charlie not even 3 hours later. I stumbled downstairs and allowed him to get ready for work. He walked downstairs to find me sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of coffee.

"You know, you're not supposed to have a whole lot of caffeine." Charlie said.

I glared at him balefully and he shut up.

"Were you up all night?" he asked as he took eggs out of the refrigerator.

"Pretty much. I passed out right before someone decided to wake me up."

"Well, I could've dragged you out, but somehow I don't think you would have appreciated waking up in the middle of the hallway." He gave a wry grin.

"So," he said as he cracked 2 eggs. "are you enjoying your company?" Charlie asked, nodding towards the living room where Renee was still asleep.

I gave him a disbelieving look. "Um…definitely not."

"Bells," he chastised.

"What? She's smothering me. She waits until _I'm _going to be a mother to start acting like my mother. I do not appreciate it. And don't act like you don't want her gone too. I know what you're doing - you've been working late every night. You never work past 6 and you definitely don't work on Sundays. Admit it – you hate it as much as I do."

He didn't have to say anything; the look on his face said all I needed to know.

"Whose idea was it for her to stay here, anyway?"

He averted his eyes. Traitor.

"What good was she going to be if she was across town?"

"Uh…she could come over in the morning and leave after I went to bed," I said matter-of-factly.

"Bella," he frowned disapprovingly.

"You're lucky – if I was talking to Jake, I would have made him kidnap me by now."

"You two are still fighting?"

I shrugged, "I don't know."

"Why not?"

"I don't know." I shrugged.

"Hmph. So, when are you planning on letting the Cullens know?"

"About…" I trailed off, knowing full well what he was referring to.

"Bella," he gave me a knowing glare.

"I wasn't planning on telling them."

Charlie frowned, obviously displeased with my choice to keep them in the dark.

"Why not?"

"Because then they'd try to help out and I don't want them to feel obligated. I don't need their help." Not to mention that Alice has probably seen this. Then again, maybe not. They haven't come running.

"But don't you think Carlisle and Esme deserve to know that they'll be grandparents?"

"Look, Dad…I don't even know where they are. We didn't agree to keep in contact."

"Well, if you do need help,"

"I don't, dad."

"Has it even occurred to you just how expensive babies are?"

"Doesn't matter. Edward made sure I was taken care of."

His brow furrowed. "He did?"

I nodded. "The Cullens and I went over his will after he died." This was a lie. Edward didn't have a will. None of the Cullens did. Why have a will when you're immortal? But it didn't matter – there was no question; he wanted everything to go to me and naturally, the Cullens agreed. Why wouldn't they? I was like a daughter to them.

"He had a will? What 18-year-old boy has a will?"

I sighed. I knew this would come up eventually, but I had still been dreading the conversation.

"He had a trust fund. And a large inheritance from his birth parents. He also left me his parents' house in Chicago and a small house here, in Forks, that was for us and most of his belongings."

"Where is everything?"

"The money's in the bank. The trust fund's inaccessible to me until I turn 25 and all his personal belongings have been moved to the house he left me right outside of town."

"Wow, Bells."

I nodded in agreement.

"Bella, I know I was never too fond of Edward, but…"

"Dad, please, don't. I get it." I said, standing up. I struggled upstairs and I passed out the second I slid in between the sheets.

When I woke up, Renee was sitting on the edge of my bed, watching me.

"Holy…" I gasped. "Mom, don't _do_ that!" I hissed, laying a hand on my chest in an attempt to calm my racing heart.

"Sorry, sweetie. It's time to take your medicine."

"Yeah, because you woke me up." I mumbled as I struggled to sit up. She was right though; I hadn't had medicine in almost 24 hours. I took the pill and glass of water from Renee.

"That boy called."

"Jacob?"

"Yes. But Charlie left a note saying not to wake you. Did you not sleep well last night?"

I shook my head. "I was sick."

"Oh, baby. I'm sorry. You could have gotten me. Do you want something?"

"It's not like you could have done anything. I'm fine now. I won't be eating for a while. Like, for another 8 months."

Renee laughed. "It'll be over soon."

"It had better be." I grumbled, lying back down.

"Well, I'll let you get some more sleep. Call me if you need me."

"Will do."

It was finally time for Renee to go home. Charlie, like the good Samaritan he is, offered to take her to the airport. Me, being the hormonal brat that I am, decided to let Charlie suffer through 3 hours of Renee's endless chatter uninterrupted. Aren't I the best? Apparently hormones plus pain medication equals an extra sarcastic Bella.

Instead, I allowed Jacob to take me to my doctor's appointment. He was having an awful lot of days off lately. I was beginning to think he was lying. Actually, I was pretty positive that he was lying but hey, if he wanted to skip school he could tote around the grumpy pregnant lady instead. It seemed like fair punishment. I only hoped he knew what he was getting himself into.

Dr. Gerandy allowed me to have a walking cast. I seriously wanted to jump for joy or run a marathon-anything to celebrate the fact that I could now walk on two feet again. But maybe it wasn't such a bright idea. With my track record, I'd probably only land in the hospital again.

Jacob and I decided to get lunch after my doctor appointment. I had to give him credit – he was trying his best to rebuild our relationship. We had a tentative friendship at best, though I hadn't decided if I was even ready to be friends with him again. I knew that he would never be content with being 'just friends' and I still hadn't come to grips with the fact that I'd never see Edward again. I had a long way to go.

"So…" Jacob said after we placed our orders at the small café we had decided on.

"What?" I mumbled, preoccupied with finding my painkillers.

"You think it's gonna be…you know, normal?"

I swallowed my pills before glaring at him. "_It_?"

"Yeah…" He furrowed is brows, as if he was confused.

"My _baby_ is not an _it_. He or she is a _human being_."

Jacob held his arms up in surrender. "Sure, sure. Alright…I'm sorry."

"Mhmm." I frowned.

"So…what are your plans for the rest of the day?"

I shrugged. "I have an appointment this afternoon."

"You just went to the doctor's."

"Different doctor, Jake. I'm supposed to meet with a gynecologist."

"Oh…is Charlie taking you?"

"Uh…definitely _not_. Do you know how awkward that would be? No, I was going to ask if you minded dropping me off there, and then Charlie could pick me up on his way home."

"You sure he'll be back in time?"

"He should. He left at 8."

"Well, I can just sit in the waiting room…just in case. Or just pick you up when you're done. I've got to go to the Thriftway anyway. Paul's eating everything in sight."

I shrugged. "Alright. Whatever. And why is Paul hanging around your house? I didn't think you two got along."

Our food came before he had a chance to answer me. I noticed the waitress stalling, looking Jacob up and down. When she noticed I saw her, she rushed off.

I turned back to Jacob. He was completely oblivious, digging into his burger.

"Yeah, I don't. But he imprinted on Rachel so he's around all the time."

Jacob's sister was in town? Paul imprinted? How many was that now? Like 4?

"Oh."

The conversation died and we focused on eating. By the time we were done, it was almost time for my appointment.

After assuring Jacob that I would be fine, he left with the promise that he'd be back in 30 minutes.

The appointment went okay. Dr. Webber was really nice. By figuring out when my last period had been, he determined that I was about 8 weeks pregnant. My due date was set for mid-May. It seemed like such a long time, but I knew the months would fly by. He did an ultrasound and I was able to hear the baby's heartbeat. It no longer felt like a dream – I was pregnant and I was going to be a mother. It was still hard to wrap my mind around, but there was now tangible evidence that there was something growing inside me.

Dr. Webber advised me to compile a list of any family illnesses and gave me several pamphlets on prenatal care before telling me to make sure to schedule a follow-up with the front desk.

I walked out into the waiting room and looked out the window to see Jacob's Rabbit pull into the parking lot. I limped outside and he helped me into the car.

"So, how'd it go?" he looked as if he didn't want to know, but just wanted to be polite.

"Fine. I have an appointment next week. I'm supposed to go in once a week until I reach my second trimester. And I heard the baby's heartbeat."

"Really? How was it?" he grinned.

"Um…it was…good," I said lamely.

The rest of the ride was spent in relative silence and when he pulled up in front of my house, I opened the door before turning to him.

"Well…thanks."

"No problem Bells, call me if you need anything."

"Alright." I nodded before getting out and hobbling inside. Charlie still wasn't home and I didn't know what to do.

I wanted to do _something_ – the last thing I wanted to do was sit around and let my mind wander. I knew better than that. I'd just think about Edward and I didn't feel like crying for the rest of the day. So I decided to clean. I cleaned my room, did a load of laundry, and scrubbed the toilet, shower, and bathroom counters. I swept, I mopped, and I vacuumed. I was about to start on the kitchen when Charlie walked in the door.

"What the hell are you doing?" I looked up from my position on my hands and knees, ready to clean up the mess in the oven, to see him glowering at me, his arms crossed, a scowl on his face.

"Uh…"

He helped me to my feet and motioned for me to sit down.

"Dr. Gerandy said no strenuous activities. That includes cleaning." He barked, pouring the bucket of Clorox down the drain and storing the cleaning supplies under the sink.

I shrugged. "I was bored."

"How long have you been home? Didn't you have your doctor appointments today?"

"Yes."

"Well?" he looked at me expectantly.

"Well, as you can see, I now have a walking cast. I go back in 2 weeks to have it removed."

"And what about your other appointment? Did everything go okay? When are you supposed to go back?"

"Next week."

"That soon?"

"Yep. Every week until I reach second trimester."

Charlie raised his brows. "Wow…"

"Yep." I nodded as an awkward silence developed. The last thing I wanted to talk to Charlie about was my trip to the gynecologist.

"Well…I'm gonna order some pizza so you don't have to cook."

And that was the end of the conversation. Thank God.

**A/N: One of my betas mentioned something about being able to hear the baby's heart beat that early. She thinks it was 10 or 11 weeks, but I read that at 8 weeks you can hear it. Neither of us are professionals, obviously, so we don't know for sure. But honestly, it's such a minor detail so I left it at what I originally put. If any of you are professionals and know the correct answer, feel free to let me know and I'll change it. (:**


	7. Can't Believe I'm Doing This

Oh God, I can't believe I'm doing this. I promised I'd never post an author's not as a chapter, but it's been long enough. I was supposed to post the new chapter months ago and I haven't. :(

I'm so so sorry. At first I had no spare time to write. School was keeping me busy and when it wasn't school, I was with my friends or my boyfriend. A lot was happening in my life. Then, when life calmed down I just lost all inspiration. I haven't been able to write for about a month. Nothing. Nada. I can't even come up with anything for any other fics I'm working on. Not like usual. I'm having huge writer's block. & I'm trying so hard to continue but idk. I'm trying to write some short one-shots, some drabbles to help move past my writer's block, so you may see a few of those before you see an update for this fic. So I honestly don't know when you'll get the next chapter. Hopefully soon but I honestly have no clue. I'm sorry guys. I'll try my hardest to look over the outtake and get that posted, but that may not come until the new year. I feel so horrible guys. But I promise I'm not giving up. I will continue this story. This isn't me saying I've given up, I'm just taking a break. *sigh*

If you want updates add me on my lj (my username is lauraelizabeth91).


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